Family Involvement

Besides becoming involved in the resident's Comprehensive Care Plan, families are encouraged to read our family newsletter, Manor Matters, which is published quarterly. The newsletter will advise of upcoming events for both residents and families and has articles of interest to family members. Any family member wishing to be on the mailing list should give their name to the Activities Department. Family members may wish to check the bulletin boards when they visit their resident for the weekly calendar of events. Families are also encouraged to become involved by "volunteering" at the Manor.

Helpful Hints for Family and Friends

No matter how many services we might provide or how much we may personally care for your friend or relative, you will always be the most important person in their life.

Nothing we can do for or with them can mean as much as a visit, a letter or an email from you. An outing in your car, a movie of your choice, a visit to your church, a snack at your kitchen table or a dinner you have prepared on your stove to be eaten with their own family, including you.

It is unfortunate, but true, that you as a family member or close friend often hear more of the resident's concerns than we do. Some concerns are justified, while others are an indirect way of saying, "It's rough to get old and it makes me sad and angry that I can no longer do the things I used to do." This makes it hard for you. How do you handle such concerns and distinguish them from those requiring definite action?

We suggest a way which we believe is positive and constructive:

1. Listen to the resident, show love and concern without getting involved in pity or the resident's self pity.
2. Change the subject when you can to get the resident involved in something outside of their immediate self.
3. Make a mental note of concerns and see or telephone the staff about them. Together we can find ways to overcome problems and see that your friend or relative is as happy and well cared for as possible.

The important thing is that we work together, for you and the staff have a common goal. The Manor's Administrator, Director of Nursing or Social Services Department will be glad to discuss problems or suggestions which relate to any area of your resident's life at the Manor. It is our function to help coordinate all services to residents in light of individual needs, interests, concerns or problems.

Lancaster Manor does not have established visiting hours. Our open ended visitation policy allows visitors and guests the opportunity to socialize with Manor residents at times that are most mutually convenient.

The following are some suggestions which may help you in planning visits with your friend or relative:

Visit the facility as often as possible during the first few days or weeks after admission. Your presence during this time will help reassure the resident that they have not been forgotten and will help make for a smoother transition to nursing home living.

Empathize with the resident's feelings of distress. Do not hesitate to discuss any issues with the staff which you feel are of real concern. You will be invited to the resident's care planning conference.

Show an interest in the resident's background and experiences by encouraging reminiscing.

Tell the resident what is happening in the family, the community, the old neighborhood, the church, etc. Help them stay in touch with the world outside of the nursing home.

Speak slowly and distinctly. Maintain good eye contact and a body posture which shows the resident you are interested in what they have to say.

Touching can be a way of saying, "I care about you." Don't be hesitant to take the resident's hand or to put your arm around their shoulder if you sense the need for comforting. These expressions of affection should come naturally to family members, but they don't always.

Include the resident's friends and roommate in your conversation.

Don't give advice unless asked. Remember that the resident has spent most of their life caring for themselves and making independent decisions. The fact that they now need assistance in some areas does not make them incapable of maintaining some degree of independence.

If your friend or relative is confused:

Do take time to talk with them and to show that you are interested in their well being. Your visit will be appreciated, perhaps more than you know.

Do try to clarify their confusion, but don't argue with them.

You may try to bring them into the present by talking about the date, time of day, the weather and what's happening in the world around them. If reality upsets them, focus on what is reality to them.

Do talk with the resident's doctor and with the Manor's Director of Nursing and assigned Social Worker about why the resident is confused. Confusion may be the result of a physical condition, improper diet, medication(s), emotional trauma and/or other factors that may or may not be reversible. Don't automatically assume that the resident's confusion is irreversible.

Remember that a confused resident may have days when they are more alert than others. Don't be discouraged if your friend or relative is clear and conversant one day and seems unable to remember your name the next day .... be patient.

Things to do together:

Bring newspapers, magazine articles, photographs and other interesting objects to discuss together. Family pictures will be especially welcome.

You are encouraged to join in activities the resident enjoys such as cards, games, etc. You are encouraged to join in any activity.

Help decorate the resident's room, including pictures, clocks, calendars, mirrors, plants and favorite items from home. Your friend or relative may also appreciate assistance with straightening drawers or closets.

Help the resident with personal grooming. If the resident does not have toiletries and other grooming items available, purchase them and bring them with you when you come to visit.

Assist the resident with correspondence.

Bring others to visit, including grandchildren and great grandchildren. Talk to the Administrative Secretary (ext 207) about reserving a room for birthday parties and other special family celebrations.

Bring pets in for the resident to see, taking into account that animals are not allowed in the dining rooms during meal times.

Talk with the activity staff about the resident's needs and interests.

Visit different areas of the facility with the resident.

Be sure to check with the Charge Nurse about dietary restrictions before bringing in any food or before going out to eat.

Take the resident for an outing to church, out shopping or to some other place they enjoy going. Remember to sign "in" and "out" at the nurses' station.

Share your skills, talents and hobbies such as art work, sewing, musical skills, collecting, etc. If you are part of a performing group or know of someone with talent to share, talk with the Activities Director and arrange a time when you might visit the Manor and share your special talents.

If the resident is involved in some activity when you arrive, stay and participate. Take an active interest in the resident's daily activities and share in them whenever possible.

Help the resident make a scrapbook or record their memories in writing or on tape.

Once again, you are the most important person in the life of your relative or close friend. If you cannot visit the resident, frequent letters or telephone calls will brighten the resident's day as nothing else can.